One of my roommates and I decided to have a girls night last Thursday since The Choice had just come out and we’re a sucker for mushy romance. Our other roommate wasn’t going to be able to meet up with us until right before the movie, so we had some time to kill.
So we bought a fish.
Two fish, actually.
But not just any kind of fish. BETA. Fish.
I’ve had my share of beta fish over the last couple of years, and they truly make for a great college pet. They’re easy, they’re cheap, they’re cool to look at, if you forget to feed them for a while they still live…what more could you want?
My first beta was a cute lil dude named Bernie Fernander and he lived in my first dorm with me and took on my first semester of college ever. He watched through his clear plastic bowl as I celebrated, cried, laughed, skyped my Mom, yelled at my never ending laundry, sang the Frozen soundtrack,
studied procrastinated, the whole shebang. He was a beautiful blue friend.
He passed away after about a year of living in that clear plastic bowl. Cause of death: extreme constipation. Not kidding. Look it up. And stop laughing. Asshole.
I got a second fish when I moved to Charlotte but holy cow I just realized I forgot that sucker’s name. I’m SERIOUS. I’m so sorry. He was with me for like 5 months but I think that’s because he was sick when I bought him because ~trust~ me you guys I know betas and I know this dude was NOT normal.
ANYWAYS. We went to Petsmart (is it Pet’s Mart or Pet Smart???) and roomie picked out this cute guy that was flaring red and looked healthy and cool and he was blowing bubbles so he was pretty content. Yes paying attention to bubbles is a way to determine the mood of the beta. Seriously, shut up.
I wanted a girl beta because I had never had one before and they’re so TINY and they just remind me of babies so we were wondering how we could compromise but then we saw this super cool tank with a DIVIDER that let us have two fish at once.
We were trying to figure out a color scheme for the 2 quart tank (which is actually a good size for betas because they don’t need a lot of room) because we needed it to compliment the apartment so we were talking about plants when the Petsmart lady came by and said that the tank wasn’t a good idea.
My heart broke. I’m serious. I asked why. There were tears behind my eyeballs.
She said that because the divider is clear, the two fishies will fight and it will be so stressful for the both of them. Jesus, beta fish, can’t you keep yourselves together for 2 seconds? I asked how we could get two beta fish without buying two separate bowls and she suggested a solid color divider.
Wow. This is why she works at Petsmart. She’s a genius.
She took our fishies right from our scared college student hands and put them side by side. Immediately the red male beta flared up and got pissed and started yelling at my sweet little girl beta. She got super freaked out and started running around her tank, throwing her fins up and rolling her eyes. If beta fish could talk, he was probably saying that polyester was 100% the way to go for backpacking because hello layers and do you even know what polyester is and she was probably saying she wasn’t stupid and polyester was actually her favorite and who the heck would do anything with cotton for crying out loud?
Real conversation I’ve had, everyone. Too real.
We got a tank with a dark blue divider to match the color palette of our apartment because that is very very important and started brainstorming some couple fish names. Pinterest and Google search history reads: fish couple names, cute fish names, famous people, names for a fish, fish names that aren’t trendy, do you give fish middle names, etc.
FRANKLIN! That was my second beta’s name! FRANKLIN!
My roommate read out some ideas: Macaroni and Cheese, Ping and Pong, Aladdin and Jasmine, Angelina and Brad, Donald and Daisy, Frick and Frack, but none really stood out to me and spoke to me.
We decided on Tyga and Kylie Jenner because after the little episode in public between those two we thought their personalities best suited this super popular couple.
I hope and pray for my two new roomies that they find the room in their hearts to put their issues towards each other aside, enjoy their quarts, and pay the rent on time.
And if you’re curious about the movie, it sucked. More on that later.